I began drafting this post a few months ago while thinking about the birthday of a friend and the meaning that I feel birthdays hold beyond the day itself. Being my birthday month, I decided to finally share this post.
Birthdays can often spark mixed feelings. Some people love the spotlight, while others would rather skip the fuss altogether. I used to be someone who soaked up the celebration and attention, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself caring less about being the center of it all. What I’ve come to recognize, though, is that a birthday isn’t only about how we feel in that moment or about that day. It’s about giving the people in our lives a chance to pause, recognize us, and say, “I see you, I appreciate you, I’m glad you’re here.”
That recognition has roots in childhood. Think back to your earliest birthdays- maybe the thrill of balloons and cake, or the nervous feeling when everyone sang Happy Birthday. Maybe your birthday wasn’t marked at all, and it passed quietly like any other day. For many kids, whatever their experience, birthdays become early moments to practice self-regulation: managing excitement, soothing overwhelm, or simply getting through a day that feels ordinary. Those experiences don’t just stay in childhood. They echo into adulthood, shaping how we respond to attention, connection, and celebration, whether abundant or absent. I’m grateful for the way my birthdays were celebrated growing up, and for the parties my friends invited me to. Those experiences shaped the appreciation I have for being celebrated on and around my birthday, and for getting to celebrate others for theirs.
Even if we feel uncomfortable with the attention due to former experiences, allowing ourselves to be celebrated gives others the gift of expressing their love and appreciation for us. And when we receive that recognition, whether big or small, with openness, it nurtures calm within us. Reminding our nervous system that we are safe, valued, and part of something larger than our day-to-day routines.
It may be just one day on the calendar, but the impact ripples across the other 364. A kind word, a thoughtful message, or a small act of recognition, reinforces the invisible threads of connection that hold our relationships and even our well-being together.
So the next time your birthday rolls around, whether you’re excited or hesitant, or see it as just another day altogether, take a deep breath and remember this: it’s a chance to let the people in your life say, “You matter.” And when you carry that feeling forward, it becomes a quiet source of strength, grounding, and calm, all year long.
What feelings come up for you when you think about your birthday or the birthday of others?
Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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the calm educator 